Communication in Listening

Lazy listening in communication is enormously costly to our success in every facet of life. From our business interactions to personal, most of us think we are good conversationalists. That overconfidence leads to failure more often than not. Most folks don't take long to get a sense of your commitment in the conversation, given the fact that 90% of communication is nonverbal.

...90%!

That leaves each of us a 10% chance to show the person we are interacting with that we are in the moment with them and that they have our complete and undivided attention. Don’t forget, we only have a 10% chance to give 100% effort for that conversation. No pressure, right? We listen at about 25% of our potential. We miss, ignore, forget, distort, or misunderstand 75% of what we hear.

To improve, we need to understand the 4 reasons why we fail.

1. Human beings tend to focus on themselves and sex. We think of ourselves 24 hours a day—how we look, feel, our personal lives, work and every day stressors. Even as we sleep. We see ourselves as the most important element of our lives. Psychologists agree that on average human beings think of sex consciously or unconsciously every two and a half minutes. Is it any wonder we only get that 10% chance to truly convince someone that we are listening?

2. Our minds wander. Our minds think approximately eight times faster than we talk. We normally speak at approximately 130 words per minute, we hear and understand at up to 400 words per minute, and we can think at 1,000 words per minute. Thus lies the issue. If the person we are conversing with is speaking at 130 words a minute and we are thinking at 1,000 words a minute, then how are we to lend importance to those 130 words amongst the other 870 in our minds at the time? Clearly, it takes tremendous discipline to stay focused.

3. We can't wait to reply. Our unbridled enthusiasm to reply sabotages our interactions. Human beings formulate a response, at a speed of 1,000 words per minute. We have our response ready and are already searching the dialogue for an appropriate pause in which to interject before the person we are conversing with has even had a chance to finish their thought!

4. We interrupt--a lot. Everybody has an opinion and loves to get his/her two cents' worth heard. This is even more damaging when you have differing opinions within a conversation. Combining the want and need to reply with the urge to interrupt…then add in the 1,000 words per minute we are thinking and using to formulate our rebuttal and it’s no wonder quality conversation techniques are such a dying breed!

Lazy listening can be cured through understanding our natural tendencies and being diligent in our daily efforts, as we remember why we tend to fail in communication and try to improve on these as we move forward.

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